Your Child's Meltdown is NOT Random!

I recently received a message from a mom on Instagram. She felt defeated while telling me that "the meltdowns are daily. They are so random. Nothing is triggering him and I don't what to do anymore."

First, hugs to this mom and any parent who is feeling like this.

A fact about behavior that I shared with this mom is that no behavior is random. Every behavior is happening for a reason.

That goes for your behavior, my behavior and your child's behavior. There is a reason behind every move we make.  

Now, find out the reason behind the behavior can be the tricky part. 

If you have ever asked yourself “is there a reason this meltdown is happening??” the answer is YES. The answer is always YES with every single meltdown that your child is engaging in. 

I've compiled a list of 5 reasons WHY the meltdown could be happening.

Now, there are more than these 5 reasons, but these are the top 5 I see inside the Autism Parent Inner Circle. 

 1

One reason why your child might be experiencing a meltdown is because the demands from the day are too much to handle. Your child could very well be overwhelmed with the demands and the expectations that others have put on them. 

We have to keep in mind that your son or daughter could have a smaller overwhelm threshold. This means that they can't take on as much overwhelm as we think they can. 

The demands, the overwhelm, the pressure....it could all be building up and bring on a lot of anxiety that is presenting itself in the form of behaviors. 

Re-examine your child day and expectations. Is it too much? If it is, it's ok to scale back.

We have to remember that your son or daughter is still a child. It's ok to relax a little on the demands and build in more fun. 

2

Your child could be experiencing meltdowns because of overstimulation. This is probably the #1 reason why I see kids engaging in meltdown behaviors. Their sensory needs are not being addressed or met. 

 When your child's brain and body is not at the "feel good" level, it's hard for them to handle the discomfort. 

Let's be proactive and build in activities to help meet their sensory needs in a way that helps them self-regulate throughout the day. 

I encourage you to build in sensory breaks throughout your child's day to meet their sensory needs. 

You might know what activities your child responds best to. If not, you can work with an occupational therapist to create a list of activities. 

Once you build these breaks into your child's day and see the benefits, you'll understand that these activities are so important to take care of your child's sensory system. 

Your child needs to feel self-regulated. But your child also isn't going to come tell you this. Be proactive and build this into their daily routine.  

3

Your child could be experiencing meltdowns because they aren't experiencing enough success every day. 

Let's not forget to talk about your child's mind. More importantly, their self confidence and self-worth. This plays a big role in the way your child feel every day. 

We have the ability to be really intentional about the way we set your child's day up. We HAVE to build in opportunities for them to be successful. 

This is something that needs to intentionally be built in to their day several times a day.

Think of confidence as a muscle. We have to keep using it, keep practicing it and continue setting up opportunities to keep growing it. 

 I understand the need to challenge your child to help them grow. But I also know that if we don't help them develop a strong self-confidence and self-worth, it's going to hurt them in the long run. 

Think about yourself....if you’re constantly working on things that are hard and things that you aren’t mastering every day, you’re going to eventually feel like you are climbing an uphill battle. Life will feel hard. You will feel a little defeated.

Let's remember this with your child. 

Build a daily schedule that includes opportunities for your child to experience success. Find activities and tasks that you know they have mastered at and have shown success with in the past. Build those activities into your child's day.

You could even take this one step further and let your child have a choice! Present your child with a visual choice board of activities that they are successful at. Choices are a powerful tool!

4

The research shows us that your child is going to experience more success in an environment that is structured and predictable. 

This means that routines need to be a part of your day. You can do this by using a visual schedule every day. This is a simple, easy way to build in structure and predictability. 

Your child needs to feel like their world is a little more predictable to be able to take some anxiety off of their plate. 

Think about what brings on anxiety for your child... it’s probably things like change, not knowing what’s next, being surprised with something that they weren’t warned about.

We get rid of some of that anxiety when we are providing predictability with the visual schedules and letting your child know exactly what their expectations are for the day.

It's important to note that, YES, we want to use a visual schedule to help support your child's needs. But we don't want to keep it the same and encourage your child to become rigid and set on one daily schedule.

Intentionally build in small changes when you have the time to support your child and help them cope. 

We would be doing your child a disservice to not teach them about changes that come with life and how to cope with those changes.  

Remember, we have to set your child up for success but also be realistic. You’re not going to be able to provide a life for your child that includes zero changes. That’s not reality. 

5

We can't get through this list without touching on communication!

 Your child could be engaging in meltdowns because of a lack of communication.

We absolutely, 100%, without a doubt have to give your child a way to communicate their wants and needs with those around them. 

Behavior is communication. If your child doesn’t have an appropriate communication system to use, they are going to rely on their behaviors to be a way to communicate with those around them.

 When a child has no choice but to rely on their behavior to communicate with those around them, these behavior could end up being more and more aggressive. Your child wants to be heard. 

If you need guidance on addressing any of these 5 topics, let's chat. My calendar is open for you and I to hop on a call to see if the Autism Parent Inner Circle is a fit for you and your family.