Meltdown de-escalation strategies that work!

Behavior is the #1 topic that autism parents come to me with. It is not uncommon to open up Instagram and see a message from a parents describing the daily meltdowns that their child is engaging in. This is also the #1 topic that I help autism parents with in the Autism Parent Inner Circle. I love creating action plans for parents!

I talk a lot about how to be proactive and set your day and home up in a certain way that will help decrease and possibly prevent your child from engaging in a meltdown. But today, I’m talking to you about what to do in the moment of a meltdown. We are going to go through some in-the-moment de-escalation strategies that you can implement to help in this situation. Now, ideally we would like to be so proactive that we prevent every single meltdown. But the reality is that our world is not perfect and we aren’t going to prevent every meltdown.

First, I want to be clear on what a meltdown is. This is your child losing control. Losing control of their behavior, emotions, their sensory system feeling overwhelmed, feeling overwhelmed by the demands that are put on them. It’s just too much for your child to handle and all of this overwhelm results in a meltdown. 

There is no doubt that this situation is stressful. This is stressful for you and your child. 

How to de-escalate a meltdown...

1-The first step to de-escalating the situation is to stop reasoning with your child when they are this upset. Your child’s brain in this exact moment of a meltdown is not going to allow them to reason anything. Reasoning during a meltdown is never an effective strategy. The thinking and reasoning part of their brain is on pause during this moment. 

2-Give your child options in this moment of a meltdown. Your child feels like they have zero control in this moment. Give them back that control by presenting 2 options of something that they can do. Bonus points if you are able to present a visual representation of these options. It would be a great idea to make a calm down choice card with a few pictures of activities that your child enjoys and you can present them with this calm down card during the meltdown. You want to try to avoid making demands, because the demands could be one of the reasons they are overwhelmed. We want to give some power back to your child and providing choices is a great way to do that. 

3-You want to look at your reaction to the situation. It’s stressful, I know. But your reaction is either going to escalate or de-escalate the situation. Once they are in meltdown mode, your child is probably going to perceive anything or anyone that comes on too strong as a threat. It is ok to walk away for a minute to take a few deep breaths. Very few behaviors require immediate intervention from parents, unless of course they are harming themselves or others. 

4- Remember to respect their personal space during these moments. Think of a time when you were really angry about something. Did you want someone right in your face and talking to you? Probably not. I know for me, that would escalate my emotions even more. 

5- Redirection is a popular and effective strategy but you want to try to re-direct your child when you see them escalating in the beginning. I know it’s not always possible but it’s probably most effective when done in the beginning of a meltdown. Re-direct your child to engage in a preferred activity. You might want to also try changing their environment from one room to another. 

6- Have a way for your child to communicate to you during a meltdown. You might have a non-verbal child or limited language use. Do they have a pecs page or some type of communication card to tell you if they are hungry, angry, scared, nervous, or sick? Having an easy way for them to communicate with you that also plays on their visual processing strength is going to help you understand the WHY behind the meltdown. Once you understand the why, you can be a problem solver and help address that need. 

7- This can be tricky, but if you can somehow get your child to engage in movement, you will probably have more success with the de-escalation. Movement naturally decreases stress and overwhelm. Movement naturally increases a chemical in your brain that helps you feel good. When you are re-directing your child, I would try re-directing them to a mini trampoline or a swing or anything in the house that involves moving the body. When I was an autism teacher, I had a little girl in my class that had quite a few behavioral challenges and 9 out of 10 times, the swing would calm her down and help re-set her mood. 

8-Avoid more stimulation. Being overstimulated by the environment could have been what triggered the meltdown in the first place. . Being around any additional stimulation is only going to make matters worse. Turn down the lights, turn off the tv, if it’s a crowded room remove them or the other people. I love calm down corners and always had one in my classroom where a child can remove themselves from overwhelming situation and de-escalate on their own. No overwhelming sounds, people, smells or any stimulation that is going to add to the meltdown. Eventually, the goal is to teach your child to remove themselves from the chaotic situation to the calm down corner in their room or another quiet area of the house. This is a great coping skill!

9-Anything that encourages deep breathing like blowing bubbles or a fake candle out. But the trick to this strategy is to practice it when they are happy and in a calm state of mind so it’s not something new and a surprise when you try to get them to do it during the meltdown. You are going to have to be proactive with this one. Taking several deep breaths can re-set the central nervous system for all of us. It would be a good way to calm your mind and keep you positive during a stressful meltdown.

It's important to know that not all of these strategies are going to work for you and your child. It’s a trial and error process to understand what your child responds best to and what can be used in the heat of the moment. You will find what works best for your situation.

P.S.Don’t forget about my next  free autism parent training that you can sign up for. Click the link in the description to sign up and reserve your seat. This is an interactive training and at the end you will have the opportunity to talk through your exact situation with me to get my advice on how you can move beyond the challenging behaviors that you are facing.